28/12

又回到了属于自己的地方，回到了自己的家。
不知道怎么的，回到自己的家，却感觉有点不一样。
或许，2个月在外，回到了家，要一点时间来适应回来。

在那2个月里，真的很像发了一场梦，一场很美妙很奇妙的梦。
很多人帮我，把握当成家人，当成公主一样，对我很好很好。
不晓得还有下次的机会吗？
很感恩我的生命里出现了这样的家人。
一切一切真的很奇妙，
重新让我认识了，知道了什么是因果。
所有的事情都会有因和果。

当然，现在的心情还在处于复杂之中。
还有那焦虑，紧张的心情。
很害怕自己会做错事情
对自己的信心大跌。

很感恩生命中出现了位知己。
我一直以为身边没有了好知己。
原来，她一直在我身边不离不弃，给我很好的安慰
以前，一直以为有很多的朋友是很好的事情。
到最后，真的很多的朋友，可是都是男的。
真正属于女生朋友却没有。
有也少之又少。
每当有心事的时候，却不知道向谁申诉。
在这两个月里，她不停的安慰我。
很感谢她没有放弃我这位朋友。
为我担心，为我加油。给我最好的鼓励。
她是属于冷静型，我却属于焦虑型，
每次都是她为我担心。
我是变得没有用了吗？

我不停的对自己说要很好，可以做到的。
一阵过的勇气很快就没有了。
一闭上眼睛就想起以前的那些事情，也就开始怕了焦虑了。
有种能救人却不能自救的感觉。

能在医院工作真的很好，
看见很多很多不一样的cases
学到很多很多的治疗方法。
如果以后能在医院上班，真的很欣慰。

20102013-sep and october

WELCOME TO ME-OCTOBER.

and also welcome to my next clinical practice- medical neuro and pediatric.

last clinical practice-psychiatry was over.

well, learnt lots and really can see through what is " depression ", "schizophrenia", "bipolar" and even "anorexia" 

we gave lots of activity to them, and the moment when I saw joyful on their face, its worth for me travel from home at 6.30am everyday.

 here is cooking class for my patient. 

here is college art to treat their fine and gross motor, and cognitive as well :)

here is paper plate art :)

it might be looks bit childish for people who aged 20 and above, but it does help them in particular way. 

centre was held sukan day. had fun on that time, babysitter of my patient. hehe :D

last day of my practical - ICITY WATERWORLD. 

sunburn and got tanned but i felt good:D

the day after ICITY, I had move to jb all the way accompanied by my mom, i love her.

my mom first time took flight and she had fun. I'm appreciated. 

actually before coming to jb, something unlucky happened.

that hopeless and no one could help you except your family!

I feel the loves and uncountable. 

it is in my heart forever and ever.

and 

THANK FOR TREATING ME LIKE AN IDIOT. 

i cry for two weeks and having super depress mood. 

I can't manage my emotional, I will start to think negative once I sat down. 

well, now all end!

OCTOBER is his birthday. A friend who I concerned most. The day before he had his best gift ever, = bang his car and the front part of the car gone = . The moment I received the news, I got shocked and the following response was "HAR?! LIKE THAT ALSO CAN AH". 

Hari Haji holiday with him again. this day really was my great day. 

he picking me up at morning and we still not able manage to watch movie on time. 

after we finished movie already 3 somethings. I still mumbling and felt despair because didn't watch PRE SHOW OF INSIDIOUS 2. This is the movie i wish to watch most compare to others.

we almost reach my home, but he return back again with the same place. 

I felt so so so so so happy! haha

but at last still not able to watch, because seat are limited. :/

**you really is a good guy, I really hope you can get rid of those harmful things, I never concerned someone until I want to twist and slap his face because just want to wake him up. everyone are worry about you. as a friend, really hope you can become better. **

22.9.13

毫无信心的，要怎么才能去控制情绪而不影响一天的心情和表现。
保持正面的想法是我最应该拥有的。
可是为什么我就是那么的不成熟。

2.9.13

其实很想写写最近的过得怎么样，可是每次却不知道要怎么去开始。
因为生活也没怎么特别，不是上课，做工就是呆在家。其实，很像其他人一样，可以和身边的朋友出去看戏，吃饭，走走。可是，不知道什么时候开始，变得很粘家；哪里都不想去。

这一年比去年过得快，想起去年的现在，**我过得很开心很幸福。**, 现在，**过得好不快乐，每天都在为明天而头疼，彼此也变得很陌生。**, 真的很大的差别，可是就是回不去就对了。发呆的时候，会想着自己会不会在发梦。**好白痴**

我不断地在逃避，利用很多的东西来逃避。我用跑步来麻醉自己的不快乐，一举两得吧。哈哈。同时也在运动当减肥，听着音乐，还有吹来的风；真的可以把自己也放空。**这样的生活，很平静很平静；还有哦，很久没见到我的朋友都会说我瘦掉去了。心也有点暗爽。哈哈**

自己也在找一些part timejob.

奶粉job,很开心的一份job.小孩的笑真的很天真。也很可爱。看见他们的笑，自己也随着笑了起来。最重要不过与和对的partner. 庆幸我的partner很热情，也很搞笑。很快乐的2天job.

还有，8月，
我依然呆在insurance office做part time admin. 这次是我做领导，教新来的admin.
当然也比较轻松！。

突然有一天，我很想看电影。就约了他:)

第一次，他迷路了。第二次，他很顺利的到达我家。可是，现在第三次，他依然迷路。=="
我不知道该笑还是无奈。哈哈。也很好他还记得一些路。
最搞笑，最无奈，我带他兜了半小时的冤枉路。
还是一样，很感恩抽出你用来睡觉的时间来陪我。:D

接下来，也是工作。

这次是在klcc的parent and children 的fair,
也很轻松的一份工。哈哈
我想我们是去拿free gift 都过于上班。哈哈
虽然脚好累，可是快乐胜于一些。




=有时候，真的很想当没事情，
可是我想，是有人在我伤口上撒盐，很抱歉。
我还是一样的执著，我会离开远远的，
这是我的原则吧，我也改不到。=

省。

天气好热。

我又在犯错了吗。我又在质疑自己了。
课业好忙，但是为什么那些画面还在徘徊。
朋友们最近发生很多的事情，我也只能给些意见。
同时怎么感觉自己也在飘否的呢？
真的好害怕这样的感觉。心也寒了下。

我很喜欢很喜欢拍照，因为通过照片可以看到也感觉出那时候的感受。
看回以前的，也有些看到自己有自信的一面 。
可是现在却，找不回了。
为什么会这样，
不应该因为别人而迷失自己的。
我应该为了自己而生活，而不是因为别人。
为什么会这样。

我很害怕身边的人一直再改变，很害怕有一天只剩下我一个人。
可是现在，
为什么反而觉得自己一个人更加舒服自在了呢。？
有时候，真的很怀念从前。真的。

- 好想好像以前一样可以去看电影，吃宵夜，聊废话。-

18/6/2013- 反省
忙碌的生活，充实中带点孤单。
成长吧。

holiday.

my holidays is gonna finish and new semester going to start on tomorrow. feel excited even it's already last theory semester. hoho:D my holidays nothing special, went for cousin shop and working.
its freaking relax and i was accomplished what I had planned. so, satisfy la :)

bbq night at my cousin's condo, raining and the light was not good, so its hard for us to bbq.
lots of night foods and great night for us to gather :p
hehe. drove all the way from kepong to old klang road after two gap and with the help of signs was not easy.  was felt proud and successful when I reach there :D haha.
sister was teasing me and asked me to shut up. haha

one of the night, my back pain was killing me, I felt suffered and just lying on my bed :(
I'm just age 20, if I continue with this kind of sign and symptoms, why will happen when I age 30,40 or 50?
hope it could be fine and stay healthy, nothing more than that I wish to be, I want a healthy body.

I'm ready for my chinese new year clothes, it seem like bit of exaggerated. but is okay la:P
just act being as a girl. :D
first g2000, there is no reason to make you give up on it.
original price was rm139, but after discount was around rm56.
I love the material and it wasn't look weird when wear it.
just love it :)

somehow,
I had read some books recently and made me moody.
was thinking am I right when doing anything and any decision.
I felt heart pain anything about him, I can't just letting go all in once but am trying now!
some of books said,
" 需要去包容，放开伤害你的人。“
should and should I was just appearing in my mind.
am I too narrow, and I should treat him as my friend like before?
I'm in doubt.

the another book " the magic"
my favorite book n the second version" the power" strongly influencing me.
now, the magic is teaching me how to appreciate and treasure people, things around me.
once again, I'm in doubt.
aiks.
all the negative things came into my mind and i'm gonna crazy. I felt uncertain and the feelings was worst. :(

i need a place to calm myself, so starbucks always do.
hehe.

le last day of my holiday, today nor sunday.
feeling bored and sleepy.
accidentally received a call from friend.
he made his words.HAHA.
quite disappointed before that because he promised to bring me watch FAST 6 but he watched with others dy.
somemore my gang were watched and everyone around us already watched.
thought had no chance to watch it anymore.
I wonder how could it happen and felt magic or surprise.
yesterday was just blaming no one is accompany me to watch movie, but just out of sudden it happened. I felt so happy and warmed.!!!
quick changed my clothes and waited for him.
appreciate him to accompany for watch one more time.
appreciate him to bring me for foods and its super duper fulled!!!
SUPER THANKS for him.
I am really happy and felt good today.
don't know how to express out my feelings!! IMHAPPYKIDNOW.
:p :p :p

24/5/2013.

was finished my FINAL, well. just try my best =)

MAY been my hectic month again, but now free from busy. end of exam, end of semester, i feel like lifeless now. 

one of my lab activity, I just cant stop laughing when I review back on those pictures. the game was awesome and made us totally enjoyed and mad. haha =) 

I remember, everyday we stay school from morning until everning and super tired. 

my body totally can felt that tiredness and powerless. 

people were celebrating mother's day for their mommy, but for me was celebrating sister's day.

my mom is kind of active and love to sing people, so at the end she choose to sing instead of having dinner with us. 

plus, the kid was dated sister and me long time ago!=) haha.

such a good chill night for us. =) 

 a short date or gossip chat with my brother! never felt bored to chat with you. you are the best for me, always! my 13 years friendship, kind of coincident, we have the same surname. haha. expecting for our next date yooo :p hehehehehe.

 sister and me were too stressed up for our finals and too many things in house can attract us and made us can't stay focused. so, just went to starbucks and that day was having 50% promotion, so its worth la. =) i'm coffee lover, especially latte and cuppacino. I love bitter taste instead of those sweet taste.hahaha.

 starbucks again!
this month I had been drink three cups of starbucks. LOL.HAHA
Le shortly date with my friend. a memorable day indeed!!
I not use to bring someone to my home through phone, because jinjang road just so COMPLICATED!!
before that, I was lost myself in jinjang just because I dont know to differentiate the way which been passed. so just round and round and feel like playing hide and seek!=.=
haha. I asked him called me when he reached temple, so just lead him and talk slowly to him. lastly, he still can't find it out and wait me at somewhere. haha.
I remembered he always want to give up and frustrated.!
thought can watch on time, but we still late for that movie. then we just wait for the next showtime.
so, he just brought me to starbucks again! hahaha.
a cup of ice latte just made my day! :D \
anyways, that day I really happy and enjoyed the moment.
maybe its long time didn't watch movie already,
I never forget how mad am I and how frequently I went to cinema last time, but now well. just hard to happen again. :p
Thank you so much! waiting for our next movie, hope you can make your words.

 a lovely weekend spent with my prince and princess!
I study until so bored and brought my cousin's kid to desa park city.
they love dogs and can named all the dogs species.
hahaha.
my cute baby. love you always.
what they said totally can make you laugh and happy.
THEYJUSTSOCUTE!haha.

'locked' myself in starbucks again. but I choose choco cuppocinate just bit of disappointed. maybe I just dislike the taste of milk. its strong and made me felt yukkyyyy. hahah. 

study until tired and went to the body shop bought some body butter, I totally fall on it even was my first time to use their product. it quite oily when apply it on my skin, but I still can feel that moist until the next day. my skin was kinda dry and sensitive. and now allergy happened on my thumb again. =(

my body never be so perfect!

last time was having constipation and cause to intestinal   inflammation. 

and this time was my T12 not enough strong, and cause my right side tummy supper pain. It will started pain when I stand longer time. so shit of my body!!! :S

after three days of final exam, dada.

I free from exam and having my one week holiday.

my school so stingy and never give us more than that.

well, I just hope can fully relaxed myself and in a peace mood.

I dont feel want to go anywhere, just hope my mind and brain can be clean and clear, so I have enough storage for my next semester, haha.. :D

oh yeah. have a good day and night! :")

06052013

the darkest side. I never care about the election, how the politic going on. but this time really influencing me! and I felt sad, angry and upset about the result and how their conduct those dirty tricks.
to be honest, I felt ashamed. I love malaysia and all the culture. the only thing was the election. ish!
stay until 1.++am and my body totally k.o.
today, wake up as usual and plan to go class.
the whole jalan kuching and jalan ipoh were so peaceful and no jam at all.
I couldn't believe it was monday morning.
usually it will be super jam .
class until 2.++ pm and felt guilty because of me dint finish tutorials :(
felt bad ;( and so sorry .

HI MAY

5月了。

4月我都忙，忙着学校的功课，extra class。 

几乎每天都从早上到下午的课。无奈。

psychiatry class,新的lecturer 真的很好，都在为我们办活动，这样将来我们去实习的时候才不会一头乱。

可是我就是不喜欢精神科，哈哈。

办过许多的活动，最记得的是“domestic class"! 因为都不会煮东西，所以到最后.....难堪。 

我还是比较喜欢pediatric,

读不成小孩心理科，但是，我的这课已经足够了，我满足了！哈哈

小孩的部分真的有点多，笔记也很多。因为个人的兴趣在，我有信心。

suppernanny 这个节目，真的叙说出problem children。真的很够力！

还有这个，过了好久，终于有时间去了。哈哈

满足！:) 

4月嘛，难免是有点的小期待。

生日，进入2字头。相信很快的会迈进更大的岁数。

2012，的生日。感谢有你们。

2013，更感谢有你们。：）

* 老实说，过去的3月，4月。真的每天都在depress,negative的心情过日子。不知道为什么会那么的去在乎一个已经不怎么在乎自己的人。因为对方的一个的小动作，一个update就心痛；照理说，应该是完全痊愈了，毕竟事情也过了那么久。或许就不应该去相信对方说过的一切，因为痛苦真的只有自己。那所谓的一切，慢慢也成为分开的借口。一个别人听了也觉得无奈的借口。或许，我也有错。或许，我不像其他女生那样，或许我就是你不想要的那样。或许，一开始就是错，或许，你的一时好感，或许，只是我的一厢情愿。生日的前一晚，天真的以为会受到生日祝福。电话也开着wifi,在等，在期待着简单的生日快乐。我真的好天真哦。第二天起来察看，没有。一等再等，也没有。在家就一直说，为什么没有的，一直念，妈妈也忍不住了。到了晚上，已经不是我的生日了，原来真的没有，那感觉也无比的难受。真的很难过。失落感。毕竟是女生，怎么都会有那么的期待。再怎么不舍得也要放手，不应该再去纠缠了。不能也不应该了。不能再回忆着过去了，那只是回忆，回忆真的不会变，唯有人都在变了。我们都在成长，都是在变着。或许，时间，或许地方的不一样；让我们大家都会有距离。我承认，我真的对这段情是真的。的的确确放完真感情下去。所以说嘛，你一认真，你就输了。我输了该有的自尊。我输掉了我的快乐。但，我赢回了家人的爱，家人的关心。我赢回了，我身边还有很多关心自己的人，我更应该的是，让我觉悟了，更加要学会自我保护。我，其实很幸福。*

谨慎：这次的确是跌得全身伤痕累累，下次就要知道；绝对不可以再让自己受伤。

always

看似假期的计划又要再次泡汤了。

那感觉真难受。 

若..成真。18/3

若我没有负担，日子应该也好过得很。

但，抛离负担日子还遥远。

若我有说话的犀利，我就应该没有那么压力。

可是，我就没有。

突然间，我好压力。

-多么希望你在我这-

:/ 

15/3

缺乏自信心，仍然是我唯一的自卑。

love life.

hectic days weeks and months come unstoppable.
one more semester left and am going to practical for 25weeks.
Place has been selected but not confirmed yet.
not doubt, still johor i'll be going.
hopefully johor bharu won't bored us!
i love segamat but too boring :p

since end of february, I started my working life again!haha
i change from mechanics to part time clerk,
still lots need to learn.
it's tiring me, but I must get rid of it.
because social is reality, no money no talk.

then, assignments and tests have become my complimentary everyday.
just realize time not enough to use.
everything rush and fast, I have no time. (my recently quote)

sometimes, I feel quite depressed, because of the stress and MONEY.
I almost forget that I had made a wish list in my 2013.
It motivate me shouldn't like this and having such behavior.
haha.
..
okay, time for assignments again =_=

1.01am

应该都会有些开心的心情，
为什么心情会那么沉重？

12.32am

我不知道为什么要这样折磨自己。
有事没事，去想那些有的没的东西，
结果，很难过很不开心了。
要怎么才能做到很开心的人？
一个人？一件事物？
很不开心。

要怎么才能放开我的心！
要怎么样才能摆脱？！

:(

11.43pm

假期快结束了， 这3星期假期都在做工。
很简单的工作，却非常的累。

有时候状态真的很糟糕， 没有办法专心，结果就被骂了 =_=
真的很讨厌这样的自己。

放不下是一定了的，可是有些时候；一阵风吹来，也蛮刺痛的。:(
一句句刺入骨的话语，我只能强颜微笑。
当面具被揭开了，我无法再装下去了。
我也只能微笑逞强。

成绩也出了，真的很差！
但，也没有过度的不开心，可能已经成了事实了吧。

加油！
:)

0432

day after days, I'm turning in 20 soon. time really flies like nobody know. my 2012 was awesome and happened pretty much things that had made me either sad nor happy. *_*. year 2012 i think the most proud thing was i can be more independent. As others know, compare to my younger sister, I'm just like a PRINCESS and had princess sickness, everythings also need mummy, or the most used excuse was " I DON'T KNOW, or I DON'T WANT LA, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO".
So,last year, I got my first car from dad.and no choice I need to earn money and pump petrol . I worked as part time and drive alone to bangsar and back alone at night. That time was the tougher time for me, because, new learner and just got the car and need to go so far from my house.
then, 2012 I addicted to MOVIESssss. had been try watch same movie three times, now I think back, its kinda waste money.OHgosh.but,its was my sweetest moment and days, every day stick with someone special. ITS SO ROMANTIC SWEET AND HAPPY.
every little idiot things,every little sweetest moment,every difficulties that we suffered,every lies that we had cheated and every funny moment, every little happiness moment, every things that you had gave me and cheer me up, everywhere that we had traveled. There were our story,our memories and never been forgotten   .
Well,
end of the year, I had been arranged to practical at somewhere south of Malaysia, segamat Johor. second time separated from family and friends for 5 weeks.
Consider as one of the challenges for us and me as well.
Don't know how to cook, how to manage things.
luckily rental house got washing machine and got a well-cooking sister there. My life balance back then.
Erm, except for it.
the other thing was separated with someone special. Before going, I was moody, because it's hard to accept I'm gonna leave him for 5 weeks. I know it's doesn't long compare to those who going by calculate by yearsss. Huh, I was telling him, will you miss me during that 5 weeks? But, he replied me and showed me 5 weeks was short, no need be so exaggerated about it. wtf of saying this SHIT.?
we still good when in first week then second weeks and thing happened on third weeks....
I never had this happening in my mind and my thought.
I never think about our relationship was kinda frangible.
and my heart was just like .... erm..
I'm able to control my emotional when I met my patient and people.
But when i'm alone, just reflect and opposite of it.
lesson learned " to maintain a relationship isn't easy thing." It's need tolerance from both, need patient and passion, need lots of things "

I love my year 2012 and 2013 please be good!
attempted to get a job, hopefully can get it soon..
:P